Boyfriend Tries Controlling Wedding Attendance, Gets Dumped

Okay so I wanted to give you all an update since some people were asking. I’m not sure if this is the right way to do this, I’ve never made an update before.

First of all, I read everyone’s comments and wanted to say thank you, even if I didn’t respond a lot of you gave me great advice (excluding the usual reddit “BREAK UP!” advice lmao)

I talked to my boyfriend (23) about it after I made the post and read some of the comments, I took your advice as well and made sure to explain that there was nothing romantic about walking down the aisle with a guy I haven’t spoken to in years and having a dance with him.

I also told him I’m going to the wedding and I’m going to be Ella’s maid of honour no matter what.

We had a bit of an argument about it and he wasn’t super excited but ended up saying he would come to the wedding because he would rather at least be there to celebrate Ella and Luke (Ella’s fiancé) and also he didn’t like the thought of me having fun without him and him being all alone.

He has a bit of anxiety about that and doesn’t like being left out of things so I understand why he didn’t want to just stay home.

That conversation was two weeks ago, and since then, things went downhill.

After the conversation he was initially really sweet. His usual caring self.

Then he became overly sweet, it kind of felt fine in the beginning but when he started making comments and jokes about how he wanted me to remember how amazing he was as a boyfriend it started to feel weird.

It kind of felt like he was guilting me.

After reading the comments I started to notice more things too.

He always asked questions about where I was going and who I was seeing, which isn’t new but i started to see it differently now.

Then he started asking more questions whenever I was on my phone, asking who I was texting and what I was saying.

Then he started reading the messages over my shoulder. This wasn’t that big of a deal before since he has my password and I have his and I don’t care if he reads my texts since there isn’t anything to hide.

Now it kind of feels like he’s monitoring me.

After that the worst of it came.

Whenever I was going out he asked me to update him, not in a normal way. As in if I was in the shopping centre he would ask me which stores I was going to, what I was eating, he asked me for photos of the food I was having. I thought it was cause he wanted to be involved but I was dumb.

I’m kinda ashamed to say that I did send him all of those photos and all the proof he needed for a couple of days, but then I got sick of it.

I asked him why does he need all of that information and he told me “just cause I want to make sure”.

I asked make sure of what?

He didn’t really give me an answer.

Then the final straw was about two days ago, another argument, this time about Ella.

He said Ella was trying to manipulate me into getting back with Sam. That she always had a vendetta against him.

I said he was being stupid because if that were true she wouldnt invite him to the damn wedding.

He said he didn’t feel comfortable with me going, he said he didn’t want me to go, and if I did I was crossing his boundaries and that I wouldn’t be his girlfriend anymore because what kind of girlfriend would purposely cross their boyfriends boundaries.

So I told him that’s okay, I wouldn’t want to cross his boundaries and broke up with him.

You were all right, he was controlling me.

I don’t feel happy about it. I feel sad.

I feel like I wasted years of my life on someone I loved.

I told ella, she didn’t celebrate, she was sad for me too. Said he was nice but I could do better and I should be with someone who helps me grow my world, not shrink it to being just them.

I’m going to focus on looking forward to the wedding and helping Ella out. Thank you to everyone again.

Edit: I know I know… mentioning the reddit advice of “break up” being bad and what I ended up doing was a bit ironic! I just meant a lot of people immediately went to breaking up with him. Honestly I probably wouldn’t have if the post ended with him just being a bit grumpy and then moving on, it was the behaviour that followed that made that decision for me.

It’s one thing to be a bit off about something and then need a discussion, another thing to then be weaponising boundaries and monitoring my every move, that is what made me break up with him.

Again, I am so grateful for the support and advice everyone has given me. It’s really amazing.

And rest assured, I will now be a full supporter of the “BREAK UP” team.