Relationship Drama

Boyfriend Controls “Our” Savings, Won’t Let Her Buy Lunch

📅 January 29, 2026 👁️ 23 views ⏱️ 3 min read

A woman puts money into a “shared” savings account that’s only in her boyfriend’s name and under his complete control. When she asked him for money to buy lunch at work after forgetting hers, he refused and let her starve all day. Her therapist is calling it financial abuse, but she’s still asking Reddit what to do.

The Original Post

Hi reddit, I don’t post here too much, but have in the past and deleted them. (If you remember the girl with the boyfriend who got mad at her for getting black square frame glasses- hi that’s me!)

I am now frustrated and need advice. We have been together for 3years, 3months at this point. “We” have a savings account for our future home. The funny thing, is that savings account is in his name, at his bank. I have absolutely no access to it. I put into the savings by sending him the money through an app and he deposits it into the account. Whenever I need to borrow money from the account for emergencies, I have to go through him. He has to approve me taking it out and why. Then he will send me it on the app. For example, the other day I forgot my lunch at home. I asked him to send me some money to go grab some Mcdonald’s across the street (I was at work.) He said no. I asked if he could bring me something from home, he said no. So I starved my entire work day.

There’s many other things he does as well, but that’s for another day. I need to know what I should do. I don’t think it’s fair to not have access to “our” account. My therapist is calling it financial abuse, and my friends are very worried for me. So reddit, what’s the verdict?

What Reddit Said

Redditors were absolutely horrified by this situation. The top comment bluntly told her to stop all transfers immediately, warning that the money was essentially his now. Moreover, commenters predicted the future house would also be in his name only.

However, many users expressed frustration that she wasn’t listening to her therapist’s clear diagnosis of financial abuse. In fact, they pointed out how the lunch incident perfectly demonstrated the power dynamic: he has the power to feed her or starve her, and he chose to starve her.

The Verdict

The consensus was crystal clear: this is financial abuse, and she needs to leave immediately. When a boyfriend controls shared savings account access completely, it’s not actually shared at all. Reddit urged her to continue therapy and try to recover her money, though most doubted she’d see a dime. This is a textbook case of financial abuse disguised as relationship planning.

Original post from r/relationship_advice (1,154 upvotes, 1,678 comments)

View full version with comments →