I currently drive a 15 year old Kia with about 215000 km on it. Over the past year I have probably put over 5k into it from a new radiator to brakes and rotors and calipers and a new gas tank and brake lines and blah blah blah. Not to mention my insurance alone is $400. I also owe nothing on this car. It’s also my first car I ever had and it’s been about 6 years since I got it.

Recently my brakes went and I got them fixed because it’s my only mode of transportation to work and school and I cannot risk missing out on either and I have really no other way of getting there.

My car is a fucking death trap. Last month my brakes went as I was driving to his house. I had a mental breakdown and in that moment he said I need to think about getting a new car and he has said this multiple times but I just didn’t think I could afford it because I really didn’t understand how it worked to finance a car. It also needs other work done such as sway bar links and control arm bushings, not to mention my check engine light has been on for years due to an evap leak and my airbag light is on due to who knows what. Moral of the story THE CAR IS DYING. Most importantly I start a new job in a couple months where I’m commuting 6 days a week about 100 km a day.

Over the past few weeks since a friend who works at a dealership has been trying to find a car for me and help me understand how I can finance within my budget. We finally found one and after a lot of therapy sessions and talking with other people everyone seems to think it’s a good idea for me because it’s not worth risking my current car blowing up while I need to get to work. Mostly I was scared of the change.

Last night I told my boyfriend about it. We don’t live together. Our finances are separate. He has a steady corporate job and lives in a house by himself. I am just finishing my bachelors and I split rent with a roommate. I have been saving for a new car. However he told me that he doesn’t see why I need a new car when I put all that money into my current car and it’s a stupid financial decision to just go buy a new car. I tried to explain that my car terrifies me and it’s really a matter of time until I can’t save it anymore. He says what happens when my new car “blows up” after I drive it off the lot. I said that’s dramatic and that the car has a warranty on it for another 3 years but I also added an extended warranty on it after that for a total of 5. It’s a full warranty if anything happens to it it will be fixed without me needing to pay. We spat back and forth until I finally asked why he cared when it’s not his money and he said that clearly it’s a bad idea if I’m getting defensive over a simple line of questioning but to do what I want while he reconsiders what this means for “us”.

Financially there is no “us”. I’ve mentioned living together but he says it’s still too early and he’s not sure which I was understanding of. Am I an idiot and missing something? Am I truly making a bad choice or is he just gaslighting me for some reason only he knows?