The Original Post
My boyfriend (21m) and I (22f) have been dating for a little over a year. I was in the er yesterday and was there last week. I’m very fragile right now and am in recovery from what happened last week. I also have chronic conditions that flare and he knows all of this. There was a darty today that his frat threw and I wasn’t up for it so we agreed to hang out after. I get to his apartment and he is literally wasted and wobbling over things. Then we go in his room and on his bed and we start having sex but this time he is being super rough. I usually don’t mind a little but he was actually hurting me. He literally chocked me so long and hard it was scary I felt myself passing out and he hit my head so hard I saw stars and wanted to cry. Then he wouldn’t stop making out with me I felt like i couldn’t breathe because I was pinned down. He was acting like I was a doll or something just moving me around. I told him to stop and he did and he apologized. Now my head hurts so bad and my neck does and I just wanna cry. I have red marks all over me. I’m still shaking. He is passed out drunk on the couch. I can’t get up from his bed because I took tylonel and waiting for it to work. He usually is the sweetest and very caring and bought me a bunch of food and snacks to have so I can recover here. He literally hasn’t ever been violent before this. I’m just so disappointed because this is so out of character. I guess I’m here just looking for advice on how to talk about this with him and how to proceed with him. Or if anyone has been in a similar situation- what did u do ?
Edit: can u guys be kind in your replies? This hasn’t ever happened before and I’m caught off guard and I was in the ER 2x in the past week. Please be nice I’m sensitive 😭😭
Edit2: thank you guys for all the replies. I posted this in a state of shock. I said to be kind because some people who first commented were kinda blaming me and that made me feel even worse. I’m just mentally and physically sensitive right now but I am not stupid and I do understand now how serious this. Thank you all for informing me on these statistics. Going to the hospital again soon
What Reddit Said
Reddit’s response was swift and unanimous. Commenters immediately recognized this as serious domestic violence, not a drunken mistake. However, they noticed OP was initially making excuses for her boyfriend’s behavior.
The community rallied around her with urgent warnings. In fact, many shared statistics about domestic violence escalation. Moreover, Redditors emphasized that alcohol never excuses assault, especially against someone already vulnerable from medical issues.
The Verdict
The overwhelming consensus: this boyfriend violent during sex drunk incident is a massive red flag that demands immediate action. Reddit unanimously advised OP to leave before the violence escalates further. This represents a clear case of domestic violence where the victim’s safety must come first. Therefore, the verdict was unambiguous – get out now, because relationship abuse only gets worse.
Original post from r/relationship_advice (1,114 upvotes, 326 comments)