Brother Refuses to Co-Parent Again After Childhood Burnout
The Original Post
The context is that I (M26) used to be like a co parent for my little brother (M13) for most of my teenage life until I moved out. From getting up at 5 am to prepare him to school, teaching him after work, solely cleaning the house most of the time and cooking for the family. Basically the usual oldest sibling responsibility and I’ve burnt out with juggling work, personal (if there was any) and home all by myself.
However, now I have managed to move out and got my own apartment. Now since rent is expensive I decided to do a live in situation with my gf to share and half the bills. Additionally, I’ve started new work that requires me to drive an hour and a half one way. Aside from struggling from the daily drive, Im also struggling with the new work scope and responsibilities that requires some overtime to meet deadlines.
Recently, my mom has reached out saying that she wants me to take my brother on a weekly basis so she can get some rest and destress. Now im hesitant to commit to a weekly since im already tired through the week of travelling but also I honestly dont have the energy or capacity to be a co parent again.
In order to kind of meet halfway, I called my Mom to let her know that perhaps I could take him from her for a couple of hours on Fridays if I’m not too busy. Initially, she agreed on the phone; however, I get a text message later on saying that it cant be a couple of hours as she needs one whole day to destress and spend time with my Dad. She also implied that if I can take care of “others” (im assuming its my gf) then a weekly visit from my brother shouldnt be an issue.
One more thing I’m really afraid of happening is because i said yes to this itll somehow get bigger and bigger request in the future. Until it slowly becomes the same environment that i tried to get away from.
Now the question that I have is would it be considered disrespectful and ungrateful if I said i cant commit to a weekly day with my brother considering my past situation?
What Reddit Said
Reddit immediately recognized this wasn’t normal sibling responsibility. The top comment called it “parentification” – when children are forced into parental roles. Moreover, users were outraged that OP’s mother dismissed his compromise offer and demanded full days instead.
Commenters warned OP about his mother’s manipulative tactics. They predicted she would escalate demands if given any opening. In fact, many suggested moving even further away to avoid future guilt trips and boundary violations.
The Verdict
The overwhelming consensus: OP is Not the Asshole (NTA). This is a clear case of family dysfunction where brother coparenting parentification responsibility was unfairly placed on a child. Reddit strongly supported OP’s right to refuse returning to that harmful dynamic, emphasizing that his parents need to actually parent their own child instead of forcing toxic parent responsibilities onto their eldest son.
Original post from r/AmItheAsshole (1,219 upvotes, 372 comments)