The Original Post
My fiancé (38M) and I (34F) are supposed to get married this summer. We have a son who will be around 1 at the time.
We don’t want a traditional wedding. We’re both autistic and all the wedding expectations (attention, speeches, parties, family stuff) are just too much.
My parents paid a deposit for a venue, but my family, especially my mom, doesn’t respect boundaries well and would push no matter what.
So we’re cancelling the venue, paying my parents back, and saying the wedding is postponed. On the original date, we’ll get married quietly in a church with just us and our kid, then go bowling or something. No guests, no announcement beforehand.
We’re not telling our families because my family will try to interfere or show up anyway.
I feel bad knowing they’ll be disappointed when they find out, but this feels like the only way to do this without it becoming a stressful mess.
AITAH?
What Reddit Said
Reddit overwhelmingly supported the couple’s decision to prioritize their mental health and comfort. Most commenters emphasized that it’s their wedding and their choice. However, many also acknowledged that family members would inevitably be hurt by the deception.
The top comments focused on the long-term perspective. Redditors pointed out that while families might be upset initially, the couple would remember having their perfect day. Moreover, many praised them for setting healthy boundaries early in their marriage.
The Verdict
The overwhelming consensus: Not the Asshole (NTA). This couple who cancelled wedding but married secretly received strong support for prioritizing their needs as autistic individuals. Reddit recognized this as a clear case of family boundaries being necessary for mental health. In fact, most agreed that avoiding family interference was the right choice for their wedding drama situation.
Original post from r/AmItheAsshole (1,202 upvotes, 145 comments)