I allowed one of my coworkers to set me up with her friend. The pictures she showed me of her friend made me think the following:

1. Attractive, check.

2. Loves dogs, check.

3. Gamer, check.

4. Employed, check.

5. Works out, check.

The friend ticked enough boxes for me. However, after meeting her in person, I became aware of the following:

1. She’s had several cosmetic surgeries from top to bottom and she was talking about saving money for at least several follow up surgeries to fix this and that, including breast enlargement. She said she was low key hoping I was a gentleman who’s willing to pay for our date because she recently spent I dunno how much on bleaching her butthole. I did my best not to judge, but damn, I never expected to hear the word “butthole” during the first 30 minutes of meeting someone.

2. She believed her dog was the reincarnation of her dead cat because her dog apparently meows in his sleep the same way her cat used to meow.

3. She lost all interest in gaming when she caught her bf masturbating while playing Tomb Raider, which apparently happened more than enough times for her to get “the ick” and eventually dumb his ass. She bragged about breaking up with him after peeing all over his PlayStation.

4. She still lives with her gooner gamer ex bf who’s also her business partner.

5. She experiences panic attacks when gyms have too many attractive people, so she gyms at home whenever her gooner gamer ex bf is not around because he’s fucking gooner.

**Tl;dr Allowed my coworker to set me up with her friend who looked like she might be my type. Turns out, she can’t pay for food because she spends all her money on cosmetic surgeries, she believes her dog is a cat, she pees on other people’s property, she lives with her ex who gives her “the ick”, and hot people in the gym freaks her the fuck out. So yeah, needless to say, no second date for us.**