Coworker Wants My Vacation Day for Secret Wedding – AITA?
The Original Post
My job does vacation days by seniority and we submit the bulk of our vacation requests at the same time every year. So you kind of need to plan ahead if you have big plans, or you need to work around the days that are still available after we submit all our leave requests.
When we did this process in March of 2025, I submitted a request for the day after MLK day in January 2026. The day after a holiday is brutal at my job, there is a lot more work to do and you are often stuck there late. I have frequently tried to get the day after a federal holiday off. Lucky me, there was one slot available and I was the only person to request it, so I got it.
Fast forward to December of 2025, and a coworker approaches me and tells me she is getting married. This is top secret info and she is only telling a few people, but she would really like me to let her know if I cancel my vacation day so she can put in for it. She was able to get 6 days off for this secret wedding, but she really wanted my day off also. Ok, that’s fine, I’ll let you know. I could tell she was expecting me to immediately agree because she seemed kind of dejected. A day or two later she tells me she doesn’t want it anymore. I said ok, I probably wasn’t going to cancel it anyway. She said she thinks I would have because it’s a big deal.
After this our relationship at work was about the same still. Which is to say, I hardly know this woman and we’re not friends or anything. Just cordial coworkers. Not long after the vacation day request there was a point where we were being forced to work overtime based on our seniority level. She was first in line and I was second. She asked me if I would trade spots with her because she had something going on after work and I said I didn’t want to do that. After that point she has stopped talking to me entirely. A couple of my other coworkers seem a little standoffish towards me now also, I can only speculate that it is because of something she said but I don’t know for sure.
Look, I’m not doing anything on my vacation day. I just don’t want to work that day. I put in for that day off almost a year ago. And I didn’t want to work overtime that other day either, but I don’t have a ton going on. I just flat out didn’t want to. Maybe I should have tried to help my coworker out more?
AITA for not cancelling my vacation day and not working the overtime for my about to be newlywed coworker?
What Reddit Said
Reddit was split on this workplace dilemma. Most users agreed OP was technically within their rights to keep the vacation day. However, many pointed out that being “right” doesn’t necessarily make you likeable.
The top comment captured the sentiment perfectly: you’re allowed to prioritize doing nothing over helping a coworker with wedding plans. Meanwhile, your coworkers are equally allowed to think less of you for that choice. Moreover, several Redditors blamed the company’s rigid vacation system for creating unnecessary conflict between employees.
The Verdict
The consensus leaned toward NTA (Not the Asshole), but with significant caveats. While OP had every right to keep their coworker wedding vacation day, Reddit noted that actions have social consequences. This represents a classic case of workplace drama where following the rules doesn’t guarantee workplace harmony. In fact, sometimes being technically correct can damage professional relationships more than being accommodating.
Original post from r/AmItheAsshole (2,166 upvotes, 851 comments)