9-Year-Old Dropped Baby Brother, Gets Blamed by Parents

Back in 2009, I was 9 years old when I dropped my infant brother on his head. My mother was a very hard working woman (still is) and my dad was extremely lazy. My mom was the bread winner and one day she told my dad to go and work. He had his own Locksmith business but usually would decline any work that came to him. This day he decided to listen to my mom and go take a job. My mom worked from home, she had a room where she would do her client’s hair. Long story short, she had me (9 years old at the time) take care of my infant brother while she worked. All I remember was sitting in the living room, feeding him his bottle, then getting up to go to the kitchen to put his bottle away. I was opening the fridge with one hand, and in that exact moment the baby squirmed out of my arm and fell on the floor. I remember picking him up instantly and him crying a very painful cry. Today, my mom and I were talking and somehow got into this subject. I told her how she shouldn’t have left a 9 year old unsupervised with an infant. And she agreed but also explained that she had no choice because she had been doing a Keratin treatment on her client and she didn’t want the baby inhaling the chemicals from it. She also explained how she was in charge of paying the rent, utilities, her car, and my dad’s locksmith truck that was under her name. I mentioned how my father came home that day and whooped my ass so hard I still remember it. And she said “good, you deserved it” which really struck something in me. This is something I’ve always carried with me and been extremely ashamed of. Even though my little brother is perfectly fine now, it was still a very traumatic time for a 9 year old. Knowing I had fractured my brothers skull and that he could’ve died. Getting questioned by CPS asking me if I had done it on purpose. For her to say “good, you deserved it. You were a stupid little girl who didnt listen when I told you not to get up” brought up emotions in me that I thought I had put to rest. I had to look away from her to hide my watery eyes. I love my mother with all my heart, but how can she say that? I was a baby taking care of another baby. I’m the oldest of my siblings and it’s always been expected of me to be more mature, but god that comment hurt.