I (26f) have been driving myself insane and have been worn down to the bone with stress from trying to juggle a full time job, finishing my undergraduate, manage my regular bills and weekend chores, and help my parents with whatever they need on a weekly basis. My parents (mom 65 and dad 66) have been dealing with winding down their law firm after my dad was dealt a far more aggressive diagnosis of PSP after they finally ruled out Parkinson’s. (You can look up the diagnosis to see what it’s about ).

On Thanksgiving, my Aunt Jolene (name changed for privacy) and my mom shared their grievances about how kids my age have no sense of obligation to their parents or elders, while giving some rather pointed looks at me. My mom then went on to say that I was a shining example of that lack of care and I just lost it on her. I told them everything I’d been doing for them the past few months. I laid it all out. I asked them would they like me to give up all my other obligations and dreams and become a full-time caregiver for them? Would they like me to quit my job and not give them the extra tax-free income, or do they want me to get a second job to give them more? My brother tried to interfere and say he didn’t drive 8 hours to hear us bicker, and I went off on him too because he gets to drive back home and away from all of it. None of them were considering switching careers to bring in more money for my parents. Not one of them raised a finger to physically assist my parents, they didn’t send money to assist with his medical care, and they didn’t even offer their connections to try and help them find more resources. All of them were happy to take so much assistance and expensive gifts from my parents over the years, like a place to stay when my aunt Jolene and aunt Miriam (changed for privacy) were struggling with their crummy marriages, new tvs and subscriptions, new computers and several free legal services from my dad as their tax attorney.

I’ve done all their errands every weekend throughout the semester and it takes up almost a whole day. I also assist them with getting dad into bed every night, make sure he can get up and down off the toilet so he can won’t make a mess, help make meals when I get home from work, etc.. I also was giving them money every month out of my paycheck to go towards his copays for all his doctor appointments, which include multiple visits a week for speech and physical therapy. I monitor him when my mom’s not around, and I have to cook anything he wants in the kitchen because he runs the risk of getting injured if he uses the stove or tries to bend down to use the oven. My mom refuses to get help from anyone outside the family for my dad yet: no caretaker or nurse aid, no other family member or a friend, no nothing. I am her therapist, her errand girl, her cook, the aid/monitor when she wants to go out or anything else.

So AITA for getting mad on Thanksgiving at their differing expectations for me vs. themselves?