Sister Demands 14-Year-Old Attend Forced Sleepover Drama

My nephew (9m), Josh, invited my son (14m) Liam, to sleep over at his house. Liam spoke to me about it and said he really didn’t want to, his kid cousin kind of annoys him and he didn’t feel comfortable doing a sleepover with someone 5 years younger. I said no problem, just tell Josh no thank you, and I thought that was the end of it.

That weekend we had a family get together and Liam asked if he could skip it and go to his friend’s house instead, and I said yes.

We arrived at my sisters house and she asked where Liam was, and I said he’s gone to his friend. She started screaming at me, calling me selfish, saying I’m so entitled and how dare I think I can treat her son this way, that I’m teaching my kids to disrespect her kids.

I was totally blindsided, I had no idea what she was on about.

Then it came out that Josh was so excited about the sleepover, they’d set up a movie screen with mattresses in the loft, they’d bought special treats, and that he’d been telling everyone all week he was having a sleepover with his big cousin.

I started apologising and said I had no idea, Liam and I discussed how he wasn’t comfortable with it, and I thought he’d let Josh know it wasn’t happening.

Then my sister says, oh he did say he doesn’t want to, but I told him he has to, that sometimes we have to make sacrifices for family, so no was not an acceptable answer and that the sleepover is happening.

I said wait a second, that’s not ok. My kids know that they can set boundaries that feel right for them, they don’t have to do things they’re not comfortable with just to save other people feeling disappointed.

She then starts going off at me, screaming in my face that I can f-off with my f-ing boundaries, that nobody gets to disappoint her kids, that I’m evil and shallow and don’t deserve to be in her life and she’d never forgive me for this.

I burst into tears, took my other kids and left. Went to pick up Liam and asked him to show me the messages between him and Josh. Josh doesn’t have his own phone so they’d messaged on my sisters phone. Reading through the messages I could see that Liam had politely declined the sleepover invite 5 TIMES!! But my sister kept telling him he can’t say no and the sleepover is happening. He said he didn’t know how to handle it and that’s why he asked to go to his friend instead.

Now I have got myself all confused and in a state because my sisters gone to the whole family who are all angry with me, telling me that I should have made Liam do the sleepover, and that it’s true that we make sacrifices for family. My brother even said that I’m teaching Liam to be selfish and entitled.

Some friends agree with me, but others said poor Josh, he’s only little, you should have made Liam do the sleepover, he’d get over it quicker than Josh would get over that kind of rejection.

So I don’t know what side is up anymore. AITA for letting Liam make that call, or am I teaching him to be selfish and entitled?