Made a new account because involved people are active on Reddit & I don’t want them finding my personal shitposting account.

I’m a diagnosed narcissist & have been in therapy (by choice) for years. I was diagnosed at 16, now 28, still actively work on recognizing & correcting harmful behaviors. I was a bully in highschool & have since apologized in adulthood. I’m genuinely trying to do better & Reddit actually helped me recognize behaviors I needed to change.

I have a new small friend group. The issue involves one friend, Tay F29. About a month ago, after I felt comfortable enough to say I was a diagnosed narc, Tay started questioning nearly everything I say with some version of “Is that you or is the narc talking?” This happens at least once per conversation & every time I’m left overanalyzing what I said wrong.

In reference to an upset friend-

Me: “That makes sense, I’d probably feel the same way.”

Tay: “Do you really care or are you just saying that because you think that’s what you need to say?”

In reference to Tay trying a dress she felt insecure about-

Me: “I actually really like that color on you. It makes you look brighter.”

Tay: “Is that your real opinion or are you trying to score points?”

In reference to Tay getting a deserved promotion-

Me: “You seem a lot more confident lately. Are you enjoying your promotion?”

Tay: “Do you mean that or are you implying I wasn’t before?”

Me: “I mean it? It was a compliment.”

Tay: “Just checking it wasn’t the narc framing it as praise.”

I asked her to stop. She dismissed me with “Just checking.” Other friends tried to get her to stop, but backed off, told us to work it out ourselves.

Yesterday, we were pregaming at my place. One friend flaked on us last minute (again) & I said I was frustrated because it felt like our time wasn’t being respected.

Tay said, “Okay, but are you reasonably upset or is the narc talking & feeling entitled to other people’s time?”

I just snapped. I told her, “You wanna know something wild? I question myself constantly because I don’t wanna hurt people. I do it enough without you questioning literally everything I’ve ever said like I’m a fucking case study. Not everything I say is backhanded. You’re taking any progress I’ve made & keep throwing it in my face and I never gave you reason to. I’ve spent years learning not to be an asshole & you just keep finding ways to be a new one. I told you to stop, they told you to stop. I want you to stop. So, if you think every thought I have, every word I say, is manipulation then why the fuck are you still here?”

She said that I was “proving her point” & “not as healed as I thought.” The night ended early & awkwardly. Our friends are split. Some think she crossed a line, others think I did. Most think I should accept more scrutiny because of my diagnosis, like I haven’t already years ago.

My therapist is on vacation.

So, AITA for snapping after being repeatedly asked if “the narc is talking”?