The Original Post
I have a friend group from college, there are about seven girls in the group. This is about Asha, Asha dropped out her senior year of college and has been a waitress since. Everyone else went on and gradated and now works pretty standard 9-5 jobs.
Due to Asha having a waitress job she is off when literally when everyone is at work. She works most night shifts especially Friday’s and the weekends ( that’s when she makes the most money)
It has gotten even harder since some of us are now married with kids ( so babysitting costs). Due to this she basically can never makes it to hangouts.
Example dinner at 7pm when everyone else is off she is working. She invited us to get brunch on Tuesday ( everyone is working). Sunday’s brunch, can’t come because she is working.
It has resulted in her feeling left out.
I invited everyone to celebrate my engagement it is scheduled for next Friday around dinner. Asha texted asking if we could move it to Wednesday around 4, and multiple people told her they will still be at work or kids. She asked about Tuesday around 7, multiple people told her they won’t be able to get their normal babysitter at that time or they need to spend time with their kids becuase it is a weeknight
She called me after and asked if I could move it to her schedule. Her schedule is when we are working and I told her that her schedule just doesn’t work for everyone else.
I told her I won’t move it. This started an argument, she claims I am pushing her out of the group and look down at her for her job ( I don’t). That I could change it and everyone would figure it out to be at my dinner ( that is true, I am sure they would take off work for this if I asked m) I just reiterated that her schedule is just he opposite of everyone else and refused to change it
She has left the chat, I haven’t told anyone why and I wonder if I was being a jerk for not moving it…
edit: since people asked about the husband watching the kids. One is a single parent, another has a custody agreement with dad ( she has the kid on the weekdays) and the last one is married bit it workojg a lot of overtime and said no in the chat
more detail in comment
yes we have moved events before, it usually results in other people missing
What Reddit Said
Most Redditors sided with OP, agreeing she’s Not the Asshole. However, they also expressed sympathy for the waitress friend’s difficult situation. The consensus was clear: one person can’t dictate everyone else’s schedule, even when it means exclusion.
Many commenters related to both sides of the conflict. They understood the frustration of missing events due to work schedules. Moreover, they recognized that constantly rearranging plans for one person isn’t fair to the majority.
The Verdict
The overwhelming consensus: OP is Not the Asshole (NTA). This situation highlights how a friend with a different work schedule can create friendship drama when expectations clash. In fact, Reddit suggested the waitress friend might need to find friends whose schedules align better with hers rather than expecting an entire group to constantly accommodate her work situation.
Original post from r/AmItheAsshole (1,561 upvotes, 797 comments)