The Original Post
Hi reddit, I’m posting this on a throwaway account due to some of the people involved use reddit. Im re-writing this post because the one I initally wrote would have been too long, so I’m going to summarize the series of events as best as possible.
I (20F) lost my mother 8 months ago, suddenly. I have experience a wave of emotion as I had a weird relationship with my mother and a lot of unsaid things. I did not get to say goodbye to her which pains me every. single. day. I have a large group of friends, some from high school and some from uni, who have all supporting me tremendously. One specific friend, Kayla, I met in uni. I would not consider her my best friend, but she has been such an amazing support to me throughout this whole situation with my mom. She always told me I could come to her for anything and would even pull me aside during social events to make sure I was doing okay. Yesterday, my birthday, Kayla and a group of my other friends came over unannounced with party decorations, snacks, and even cake. After the emotional morning I had due to the dread I had for my birthday coming, this made me cry. I felt so seen and loved in this moment. This lasted up until my friends brought gifts they had bought. I opened two gifts before opening Kayla’s. It was a large box. I opened it with a huge smile on my face, and my friends all looked excited for me to see what was inside. To my shock, there was a mug and a hoodie. Both had a large, bold font saying “Motherless Behaviour”. I was in so much shock I excused myself. I ended up calling it a night and they all left, Kayla muttering “It was supposed to be funny” as she passed by me to leave. This morning I woke up with texts from some of my friends at the party reassuring me Kayla had no ill intent, and then I saw Kayla messaged me. The message was LENGTHY, including many messages saying things like “it was of good intent. You embarassed me. I was trying to lightent the situation.” One message in particular that Kayla sent had gotten to me, this message said “after 8 months you should be able to accept your moms death and joke about it. you’re self-sabotaging from holding on, and its ruining your friendships.” I felt so sick. This question is making me wonder if truly I am the asshole and if I should be over my mothers death.
What Reddit Said
Reddit users were absolutely horrified by Kayla’s gift choice. Most commenters couldn’t believe anyone would think “Motherless Behaviour” merchandise was appropriate for someone grieving their mother’s recent death. The consensus was immediate and overwhelming.
However, Redditors were even more disgusted by Kayla’s response afterward. Her lengthy text messages blaming OP for being “embarrassing” and claiming eight months was enough time to “get over it” sealed her fate. Many shared their own experiences of losing parents decades ago and still feeling the pain.
Moreover, commenters praised OP’s other friends for immediately recognizing how wrong the situation was. In fact, several users noted that real friends would have stopped Kayla before she gave such cruel gifts.
The Verdict
The overwhelming consensus: OP is absolutely Not the Asshole (NTA). This friend gave cruel birthday gifts that crossed every line of human decency. Reddit unanimously agreed that Kayla showed zero empathy and should be cut from OP’s life immediately. This is a clear case of friendship drama where someone revealed their true character through insensitive behavior during grief.
Original post from r/AmItheAsshole (2,373 upvotes, 676 comments)