The Original Post
Ive been with my gf for just over a year. Before meeting her I had a cleaner that would come over once a week for the major cleaning things. Im a neat and tidy person theres no clothes on the floor or anything.
After meeting my gf she refused to allow the cleaner to come and said that we have to do it ourselves. She was a student and I was working so she would do most of it and was happy with this even though I offered to pay for a cleaner pretty much every week.
She graduated last November and is starting work soon and instead of hiring a cleaner shes insisting that we continue to do it ourselves but now 50/50.
I have a full time job in finance + a small business (5 hours a week 99% from home so not a big deal).
I just dont understand her logic when I could easily pay for a cleaner and forget about this. We just had the biggest fight of our relationship and she won’t tell me why shes so insistent on us doing the housework.
If someone thinks this is a money thing, its not. We wouldn’t even notice the money going out.
I feel insane.
What Reddit Said
Redditors were largely sympathetic to OP’s frustration. Most agreed that his girlfriend’s refusal seemed illogical given their financial situation. However, many pointed out that deeper psychological issues might be at play.
The top comments focused on potential underlying reasons for her behavior. Some suggested she might have privacy concerns about strangers in their home. Others theorized she could feel like hiring help makes her a “failure” as a partner or woman.
Most Redditors emphasized the need for honest communication. They urged OP to dig deeper into his girlfriend’s motivations rather than just focusing on the practical solution.
The Verdict
Reddit’s consensus: OP isn’t unreasonable, but this girlfriend refuses cleaning service situation needs serious discussion. The real issue isn’t about housework—it’s about understanding why she’s so opposed to help. This appears to be a classic case of relationship communication breakdown where practical solutions clash with emotional needs.
Original post from r/relationship_advice (1,942 upvotes, 463 comments)