Girlfriend Told Him “Man Up” When His Mother Died
The Original Post
My partner (28F) and I (31M) had been dating for a year and a half, and everything was good between us until a few months ago. Both my mother and my close aunt passed away within three days of each other.
I was devastated and expressed that to my girlfriend. Her response was not what I was expecting. She told me that I am a man and if I want to be upset, I should express my sadness to my friends. She also said that if anything, I should be consoling her as a man because she lost her future mother-in-law.
Since then, I have looked at her differently and have been distancing myself. Yesterday, we met up, and I explained how hurt I was and that I don’t want to continue the relationship. She cried, begged, and apologized. She explained that she was upset because she felt ignored around the time of their passing and that she only made one mistake, and I am throwing away a good relationship because of it.
A part of me wants to forgive her, but another part feels she showed her true colors and that this wasn’t just a mistake, but a fundamental failure of support and empathy when I needed it most.
My question is: How do I navigate this decision? For those who have faced a similar breach of trust in a relationship, how did you weigh a seemingly sincere apology against the revelation of a partner’s core values under pressure? Is reconciling possible when the hurt stems from being abandoned in your most vulnerable moment?
What Reddit Said
Reddit was absolutely brutal in their judgment. Most commenters were shocked by the girlfriend’s complete lack of empathy. The top comment called her response “straight-up sociopathic” and predicted she’d never be emotionally supportive in future crises.
However, Redditors focused on more than just her initial reaction. Many pointed out that her “apology” was actually making excuses and minimizing the damage. Moreover, her claim that she felt “ignored” during his grief period revealed even more selfishness.
The Verdict
The overwhelming consensus: dump her immediately. This girlfriend told him to “man up” when his mother died, which Reddit saw as an unforgivable betrayal. The community agreed this wasn’t a mistake but a revelation of her true character. This is a clear case of relationship red flags where someone’s core values were exposed during a crisis.
Original post from r/relationship_advice (2,926 upvotes, 1,270 comments)