The Original Post
My girlfriend (35F) (6 month relationship) let herself into my (27M) apartment because I fell asleep and wasn’t answering my phone.
She doesn’t have a key. I’ve never given her one, not because I’m hiding anything, I just don’t want to. I also have a roommate so it’s not purely my call. She stays over a lot but that doesn’t mean she has open access to the place. She also has her own place
My security are supposed to call beforehand which they did, but because I didn’t answer they just let her up. She knew where my hidden key was because she’d seen me use it before. So when I didn’t pick up, she came over and let herself in.
When I confronted her about it, she acted like it was normal. Like being worried justified it. But I feel violated.
This isn’t the first boundary issue. She’s been pushing for us to share locations, which I’ve said no to. She previously asked for a key in case she “can’t reach me” but honestly I just don’t want to. This lead to an argument and her saying that even her friends think it’s weird she doesn’t have a key here. I couldn’t care less. I don’t want anybody to have unrestricted access to my personal space. She leaves stuff at my place constantly, which I don’t mind, however whenever I want some alone time and message her after work she says “Ahh my things are here”. We see each other basically every day but I’d also like to take time to myself.
To me, if you can’t reach someone, you wait. You don’t decide you’re entitled to enter their home. I’d never do that to her or anyone else
Is this just how relationships work and I’m being weird about it? Maybe I’m an avoidant??
What Reddit Said
Reddit overwhelmingly sided with the boyfriend on this one. Most commenters immediately recognized this as a serious boundary violation. They emphasized that being in a relationship doesn’t entitle someone to unrestricted access to your home.
However, many Redditors pointed out this was part of a larger pattern. The girlfriend’s previous demands for keys, location sharing, and guilt trips about alone time painted a concerning picture. Moreover, her casual dismissal of his feelings when confronted was seen as a major red flag.
The Verdict
The consensus was crystal clear: the girlfriend crossed a major line when she used the hidden key to enter his apartment. This represents a fundamental incompatibility in relationship expectations. Reddit advised that this is classic relationship boundary violation behavior that often escalates over time. The overwhelming advice was to seriously reconsider this relationship drama before it gets worse.
Original post from r/relationship_advice (1,082 upvotes, 317 comments)