My husband begged me for kids and can’t handle being a dad

We’ve been together for 26 years. I (45F) and him (43M) have been through a shitstorm of bad times.

About 10 years ago he thought that owning a home and having children would make him happy. He cried and had a total breakdown thinking he’d never amount to anything.

We now own a house and have 2 kids after struggling with infertility. Both pregnancies almost killed me due to medical problems. My daughter had to be born prematurely or the pre-eclampsia would have killed us both. My son’s pregnancy was even harder on my body. I hemorrhaged for an hour after his C section. It was rough. I suffered immensely to have my kids. I love them more than anything in the world.

But I don’t see my husband acting like he feels the same way. Ever.

His parents neglected him emotionally. He has a history of depression and anxiety. So do I. I have CPTSD from a lifetime of abuse from my own family.

I made a promise to myself to never be like my parents and do my best to provide understanding and love to my son (5) and my daughter (7). I tell them I love them every day.

He doesn’t even tell me he loves me on a regular basis.

My husband can’t handle the financial stress we’re under. He attempted to kill himself this summer. We almost lost everything.

I had to work full time and we barely scraped by.
He was home with the kids and didn’t care for them the way they needed. (He sleeps way too much and wasnt giving them meals ect.)

We’re finally starting to both earn enough to cover all our bills. He only started working because he was forced to. He started his own business 2 yrars ago but its growth is slow and its not earning a large enough income for him yet.

Rarely does he act like he loves me or my kids.
He’s such an asshole to them. Hell, he’s an asshole to me half the time.

My son hates him. And he’s not wrong. My husband is not a good dad and he barely tries to make up for it in any way.

I am always thinking about what to do to help us survive. I handle the entire household. Budgeting, cleaning, appointments, everything. Even finding a way to get us out of crushing debt.

This Christmas he didn’t even want to wake up with the kids to watch them open presents. He immediately went back to sleep while I built their art desks.

He is not showing up for them, in any capacity. He tried to get my son to hug him and my son refused.

I feel like a single parent who is stuck with a shitty babysitter. My son wants my husband to leave the family.

He left the house in a fit today because my son told him he doesn’t love him.

I had a total meltdown a few days ago and he did nothing to comfort me. Just stood there. Depression is probably going to kill him.

I think we might not make it as a married couple for much longer if he doesn’t get therapy and find a way to love himself and his kids.

Just needed to vent because I have no family. I have zero support.

Leaving is not an option at this time. I need to save up money first.

I pray he gets better but I think this is as good as it gets.

I deserve better. My kids deserve better.