English is my second language, but I speak it fluently and use it at work every day. Recently I’ve been reading George Bernard Shaw and came across the word “matronly.” From what I understood, it meant something like mature, settled, respectable. Not “young” or girly anymore.

My wife and I (mid thirties) have been married a few years. We don’t have kids. Since getting married, she’s gained some weight and she’s clearly more relaxed about her appearance. She’s told me she used to undereat and fast a lot before and it’s good she doesn’t want to do that again. We go out frequently, cook nice meals at home and just have fun. I am happy she feels secure in our relationship to not mind a little bit of weight.

We were just talking about something when she asked me how she looks in a new sundress she bought I said she looks more “matronly” now than before. I meant that as an adjective like a neutral term to describe her that she looks her age, is graceful and maternal in a good way! She immediately got upset and that really surprised me.

When she explained that the word felt insulting, I told her I didn’t mean it that way and that English isn’t my first language. She keeps saying it made her feel unattractive and judged, which feels like an overreaction to me. I didn’t say I don’t love her. I just acknowledged that she looks different than she used to.

Now she’s acting distant, changing clothes in another room, and not initiating sex. I’ve apologized for how she felt but she wouldn’t listen.