The Original Post
We’ve been married for a year now, dating for 3 beforehand. I have a close friend that I met around the same time that I started dating him. We were long distance for a while because I had to move states to care for my parents, and she was my first friend here, and we’ve gotten pretty close.
Everyone (is 3) is pretty comfortable with each other. Hubby respects our friendship and gives us time and she comes over at times and we eat dinner together sometimes. He’s even tagged along with us to some events etc.
But as for the problem, she recently just told me something really distressing that she’s going through medically and asked for my support. of course I told her I’d be there for her, and went with her to her first intake earlier this week. When I came back hubby asked me the usual “how was it/did you have fun” and I said, without thinking too much about it, no, and that i was a bit drained. Nothing seemed wrong with him that night, but i noticed he was a bit quiet.
The next day he asked me if anything had happened the day before while i was out, and i said my friend was just going through something and i was sad over it. He asked what was wrong and i just told him that it wasn’t for me to share. He looked offended, which caught me off guard. I asked him what was wrong and he said that it sounds secretive when i say it like that, and that we shouldn’t have any secrets as a married couple.
I did something I probably shouldn’t have and laughed, because I honestly thought he was joking. But he said that he was serious, and it shouldn’t matter if I tell him or not, because it’s not like he’s going to tell anyone else, and she wouldn’t know anyway. But she had specifically requested if I could keep it to myself, and that she would tell others when she’s ready. It was already a lot just for her to tell me, and she was nervous the whole time. I told him this, and for some reason he got even more upset, and has been ever since about it (this was on Wednesday). I don’t really know what else to say to him about it. It’s not a “secret”, but just respecting my friends privacy. I don’t ask him for details of everything about his friends either. It just feels weird, but I don’t want it to continue being an area of tension between us. What else can i say to him to get him to see my perspective?
\*\*tl;dr\*\*: Husband is upset with me because he thinks I’m keeping a “secret” by not telling him sensitive information about my friend that she requested to be kept private for the time being. I don’t know how else to explain to him that it’s not a “secret” I’m keeping but just respecting boundaries?
What Reddit Said
Reddit overwhelmingly supported the wife’s position on respecting her friend’s privacy. Most commenters emphasized that keeping other people’s personal information confidential isn’t a “secret” – it’s basic respect and trustworthiness. However, many users expressed concern about the husband’s controlling behavior and his inability to understand boundaries.
The top responses focused on the difference between marital transparency and respecting others’ privacy. Moreover, several Redditors warned that his persistent pressure could set a dangerous precedent. In fact, many pointed out that a trustworthy friend who keeps confidences is valuable, not secretive.
The Verdict
The overwhelming consensus: the wife is absolutely right to protect her friend’s private medical information. This situation highlights the important distinction between marital openness and respecting others’ boundaries. Therefore, when a husband demands friend’s private information despite clear explanations about privacy, it reveals concerning control issues rather than legitimate concerns about marriage problems or trust issues.
Original post from r/relationship_advice (1,320 upvotes, 500 comments)