The Original Post
TW: I (27F) have been with my husband (29M) for nine years. We have six kids together. I met him when I was very young, and sometimes it feels like I blinked and suddenly I’m married, overwhelmed, and questioning how I even got here.
This isn’t the first time he’s betrayed my trust. He’s cheated before. I stayed. I believed the apologies and the promises that it would never happen again. I own that choice.
What makes this harder is that outside of our marriage issues, he has generally been a good dad. He shows up for our kids. He makes time for them. Could he help more with cleaning and daily load? Yes. But he’s not absent, and he’s not uninvolved. That’s part of what makes this so confusing.
I also genuinely loved him. For a long time, I really believed he cared about me and respected me, even when things weren’t perfect.
But this time feels different. This time broke something in me.
I found explicit messages on his phone between him and a man he barely knows. It wasn’t just talking. He was exchanging Xrates videos.. videos of me.. for videos of this other man’s wife. I never consented to any of this. He talked about me in degrading ways, like I wasn’t even a person. My body, my privacy, my trust were shared without my knowledge or permission.
I feel sick typing this.
I feel violated, embarrassed, and ashamed even though I know logically this wasn’t my fault. The person who was supposed to protect me is the one who exposed me. I don’t even know how to tell anyone in my life what happened.
I keep replaying every red flag I ignored and every excuse I made because I thought “keeping the family together” mattered more than my own dignity. Now I don’t recognize myself anymore.
I don’t know what to do next. I don’t know how to process this or how to even begin rebuilding myself after something like this. especially when the person who hurt me is also the father of my children and someone I once trusted.
What Reddit Said
Reddit users were absolutely horrified by the husband’s actions. Most immediately pointed out that sharing intimate content without consent is illegal in many jurisdictions. The top comment urged OP to report this to authorities, noting it would solve two problems at once.
However, many commenters focused on the children’s wellbeing. They argued that staying in this toxic marriage would actually harm the kids more than leaving. One highly upvoted response explained how children absorb the disrespectful energy between parents, which damages their future relationships.
Moreover, Redditors emphasized that OP’s husband isn’t just a cheater – he’s a criminal who violated her privacy in the most degrading way possible. The consensus was clear: this crosses every line.
The Verdict
The overwhelming consensus: OP needs to leave immediately and pursue legal action. This case where a husband shared intimate videos without consent represents more than infidelity – it’s a serious crime. Reddit firmly believes that relationship betrayal of this magnitude is unforgivable, and staying would only enable further abuse while teaching the children that this behavior is acceptable.
Original post from r/TrueOffMyChest (1,594 upvotes, 108 comments)