The Original Post
My aunt (dad’s sister) passed away and I am back in town so I decided to go to the funeral. She had two children. Her son who lived with her and a daughter I will call Sue. They lived in a small town about 2 hours away. It was going to be a family viewing at the funeral home and then grave side service. As I was signing the guest book, a cousin I hadn’t seen in years came over and we started talking. This was in the hallway before you get to the viewing room. Sue came out and shushed us. I was embarrassed thinking we were talking too loud (even though I didn’t think so). So we went into the viewing room. There everyone was sitting and looking at a monitor with videos of the deceased. They had sad music playing but no one was talking, just sitting quietly looking at the monitor. After about 15 minutes, I whispered to my sister who was in front of me that I was going to bounce. She said she would go out with me because she had something for me in the car. She and her husband followed me out. Then their adult children and their family followed. My cousin also came out to talk in the parking lot. I noticed other people leaving also. We all talked in the parking lot for a little while and left. Sue contacted me on Facebook and said I runed her mom’s funeral by leaving and taking half the people with me. I don’t think I did anything wrong but apologized and said I had an emergency come up and had to leave. She then blocked me. I feel bad that I upset her at her mom’s funeral but I have never been to a funeral (family receiving/viewing) where no one was allowed to talk\`. AITA for leaving the viewing early and having half the room leave with me?
Update; Just for some clarification. In our family it’s normally a 3 day process. On day two there is a family night. This is where everyone gets together to talk and remember the loved one. In her case, there was no family night and this was billed as the family will be receiving during this time. We did not think it would be quiet time to stare at the monitor. Of course the process does change such as for my father, he was in hospice so we told everyone to come see him while he was alive as we would not be holding a formal family night once he does pass. This was his wishes.
What Reddit Said
Reddit overwhelmingly supported OP with a clear NTA verdict. Most commenters were baffled by the enforced silence at a funeral viewing. In fact, many shared their own experiences where talking and sharing memories was not only allowed but encouraged.
The top comment perfectly captured the sentiment: OP didn’t announce their departure or encourage others to leave. Instead, other attendees naturally followed because they also felt uncomfortable with the unusual silent format. Moreover, Redditors pointed out that people routinely come and go during viewings – staying for the entire duration isn’t expected.
The Verdict
The overwhelming consensus: OP is Not the Asshole (NTA). This case of leaving funeral early ruined nothing – the awkward silent format did. Reddit agreed that normal funeral etiquette includes quiet conversation and sharing memories. This is a classic example of family conflict arising from miscommunication and different expectations around grief and mourning traditions.
Original post from r/AmItheAsshole (1,705 upvotes, 280 comments)