I 25F and my husband 26M recently had a baby. Context for the story: My husband and I grew up in different states on opposite sides of the country. When we both graduated college, he moved in with me in my home state. I had a very long, difficult labor. I almost died and so did my child. She came out not breathing and was totally limp when she was placed on my chest. My parents are divorced. I am an only child.

We live about 15 minutes from my side of the family. So far, after my daughter’s birth, my mother has visited maybe 4 times. She shows up, takes a couple of photos for Facebook to show the world how great of a grandma she is, then leaves.

My dad is very involved but I struggle with that since him and I did not have a great relationship as I was growing up. He has been narcissistic, manipulative, emotionally abusive my entire life (this becomes important later.)

My husband’s family lives about 11 hours from us and has seen the baby more than my own mother has.

When we visited his family during the holidays, we were able to do date nights, have baby sitters, not have the baby tied to us the entire day. Our laundry was done, we got to take naps, showers, whatever we needed to do to rejuvenate when our daughter had a rough night. When we visit my side, it’s “let me hold the baby!” as soon as we walk in the door and we aren’t even acknowledged. We’ve gotten no help from them whatsoever.

The area we live in is VERY expensive and we currently rent an apartment. It’s extremely difficult for us to get ahead enough to put a down payment toward a house because of the cost of living in our area.

Recently, my husband and I have discussed the idea of moving closer to his family. Him and I have both been applying to jobs pretty religiously. Somehow my dad got wind of this and threatened to not be involved in our lives anymore if we move and “rip his granddaughter away from him”. This personally was pretty hurtful because I’m his only child and he seems to be more concerned with losing our daughter than his own. These comments were very hurtful to my husband as well who has seen my dad as a father figure since his dad isn’t in the picture. My mother has made comments as well. My response has and remains that my husband’s family made the effort to take flights to come see us so why can’t they?

I don’t want to punish my dad, since he is a good grandfather, by moving. But we have no support system here in my home state and TONS where my husband lives. I also want to eventually buy a home and settle down and put our daughter in a good school – which I know we can do where my husband’s family lives.

So AITA for thinking about relocating our family?

EDIT: I see a few comments about this so I want to clarify. If we DO decide to move, we would never put the pressure of daily childcare or anything like that on his family. We are looking to move to have a healthier support system, more efficient income, help when it is offered or absolutely necessary. Of course she’s our child, we would never go in with the expectation of someone else to take care of her! It’s just nice sometimes to know we have the help if it’s needed.