The Original Post
My 24 year old nephew is staying with my MIL and FIL to learn how to take care of himself. My husband, our kids (23, 21, 18), and I live a mile away from them.
My nephew is very coddled. At 24, he’s never held a job, doesn’t drive, doesn’t cook, doesn’t know how to do his laundry, and has no social skills.
He’s been here for almost a month and for someone here to learn independence, he’s not very independent. He’s calling me and my kids daily to ask us to take him to one specific mall 15 miles away when there’s a perfectly fine one 2 miles away, across the street from a bus stop, he wants us to drive him to the grocery store a half mile away because it’s too cold to walk (50 degrees). We put up with it for the first couple weeks but lately we’ve been agreeing to drives if one of us is already going in that direction. If not we suggest uber, walking, or the bus.
My older 2 kids went to a party on Friday night and they invited him to go with them. I use the word party very loosely. There were 15 people building gingerbread houses, playing white elephant, and a Mario kart tournament. No drinking, no loud music. The party was at my cousins house an hour and a half away.
My nephew agreed to go, then 20 minutes in started texting me asking how long this party would last, then saying he was overwhelmed and only expected 2 or 3 people to be there, complaining that my kids wouldn’t take him home, then asking me to pick him up.
I told him that he agreed to go and that if he heard party and expected 3 people, that’s on him, so if he couldn’t handle being there he could either uber or take a train.
He wasn’t willing to do either so he sat in the living room and waited for my kids to be ready to go.
He told my SIL about us refusing rides and me not picking him up from the party so she called me furious that we’re treating him like this and that he chose to come out here because he’d have support while learning to be independent.
I told her that learning to be independent means learning to do stuff by himself and that I don’t plan to coddle a grown man. If my kids can figure it out so can he.
Now she’s mad that I’m refusing to support her son learning independence and that family is supposed to be better than this.
AITA for not coddling him
What Reddit Said
Reddit overwhelmingly supported the aunt’s tough love approach. Most commenters immediately recognized that the real problem wasn’t the nephew’s lack of skills, but his mother’s enabling behavior. The top comment perfectly captured this sentiment, pointing out that the sister-in-law was likely the main reason her son needed to learn independence at 24.
However, Redditors also noted the irony of the situation. The mother sent her son away to become independent, yet expected relatives to provide the same coddling she had been giving him. In fact, many pointed out that true independence means learning to navigate uncomfortable situations and transportation challenges.
The Verdict
The overwhelming consensus: OP is Not the Asshole (NTA). This nephew refuses learn independence despite being given every opportunity to grow. Moreover, expecting family members to drop everything for rides to specific malls and rescue missions from mild social situations defeats the entire purpose of his stay. This is a classic case of family drama where enabling parents create entitled relatives who struggle with basic adulting skills.
Original post from r/AmItheAsshole (3,112 upvotes, 396 comments)