I (28M) cut off my parents almost a year ago after years of manipulating and controlling behavior. I was homeschooled and my parents were incredibly strict about what I read, watched, etc. They would mark out books if it made them uncomfortable and even put “accountability software” on my phone to track any texts or emails I got when I got my first phone at 19. They even dragged my sister when she’d have a tantrum to her room and force her to stay in her room while tantruming by forcing the doors shut while she banged on her door.

I also have ulcerative colitis and it was so bad I had to have my colon removed at 18 and thus fell behind on schoolwork and such while in bed. My parents called me lazy and not wanting to do my schoolwork bc I laid in bed with severe stomach pain and restricted my diet where I was barely getting proper nutrition.

I somehow managed to gain an online community mostly without the knowledge of my parents because they think anything online ruins people and they don’t trust it. I even met my first girlfriend through this community, but she broke things off because she saw how crazy my parents were and couldn’t take it. I eventually met my wife and eloped with her without telling my parents until after we were together. My parents have expressed how they think she has caused much harm to me.

This kind of sets the stage for present day. When I cut off contact with them, I told them that I would greatly appreciate an apology for everything they had done. On Christmas Eve, I got a card from my parents that was essentially a letter. In it, they expressed how they truly thought they did their best at parenting and still don’t think they’ve done anything wrong in how they parented me and my sibling. Not only that, they blamed my ex for how I am now and that they don’t think they have ever hurt my wife. This really hurt because I had spent four years after being married trying to reconcile and telling them why they had hurt me, and I finally just got fed up because they wouldn’t and couldn’t understand.

All this is eating me up because I was hoping that that letter would actually be an apology, but no. All it was was just them justifying their parenting, blaming and deflecting blame onto me and my wife and ex. Anything BUT apologize. Not only that, they say they still don’t know why I have been hurt by them. I’m coming to the realization that I’ll never get a reconciliation with my parents and it hurts.