Partner Avoids All Responsibility While Grieving 8 Deaths

I’m trying to figure out if my frustration is valid or if I’m being unfair because of everything my partner is going through.

My partner has lost eight people this year, including his 5‑year‑old granddaughter. His grief is real and heavy, and I’ve tried to be supportive. But at the same time, I feel like I’m the only one keeping our life from collapsing.

This year alone, we’ve been evicted once, almost evicted again in October, and now we’re two months behind on rent. I’m the only one working consistently. He’s had three jobs this year, but only stayed at each for anywhere from 3 months to 4 weeks. In total, I’ve seen about $800 from him all year.

Meanwhile, my paychecks are gone before they even hit my account because of transportation needs and him constantly asking for money or things he “needs,” then denying he ever asked. Now he’s saying he’s “never been in a relationship where money is shared” and that in his past relationships “no one counted what they spent.”

But I’m drowning. Bills don’t care about grief or nostalgia for past relationships. I can’t carry two adults alone.

When I try to talk about it, he shuts down, gets defensive, or guilt‑trips me for “adding pressure.” I’ve communicated clearly and asked for specific changes. He agrees in the moment, but nothing changes.

I’m starting to feel resentful, and then guilty for feeling resentful because I know he’s hurting. But I’m hurting too.

Has anyone been through something like this? How do you balance compassion for someone’s grief with your own need for stability and partnership?