The Original Post
I’m 7 weeks pregnant today and tomorrow is our first scan. My partner and I just had a fight which resulted in a very embarrassing situation in front of my family.
By way of background, there’s been about 3 times we’ve been out at the pub and I’ve asked for a non-alcoholic beer. During those times my partner has said I can only have it if it’s 0.0% (some contain no more than 0.5%). I’ve done my research and from what I can tell, if it’s a trace amount of alcohol and only one it should not be harmful.
So Tonight we were at a pub where they didn’t serve 0.0% beer. I ordered the only non-alcoholic beer option (which was the ‘Heaps Normal‘ advertised as non-alcoholic no more than 0.5%). My partner (in front of my family) asked the bar man to not open and return the can, then told me “you are pregnant” and ordered me a coke.
I was embarrassed and humiliated. I have several friends who‘ve enjoy a NA beer every once in a while when they’ve been pregnant. To me, I don’t see the harm if it’s one once every few weeks.
My partner then proceeded to drink 3 beers and smoke cigarettes with his friends at the pub. After a while my mum asked if I wanted anything from the bar and I asked for a NA beer.
When my partner returned to the table he saw it and immediately ignored me for the rest of the night. Even my family noticed and asked why he was so upset about this.
On the way home I said to him I’m happy to go to the doctor and have a chat about the risks, if he is that worried. He told me I disrespected him in front of everyone. He said I was lucky he didn’t pick up the NA beer and throw it across the table. We just got home and he’s still ignoring me. In the meantime he’s drank 5 beers and is continuing to drink on his own on the couch.
How can I go about having a conversation about this with him when I don’t feel heard or listened to at all?
Update: thank you for your responses. I was feeling very vulnerable last night. unfortunately my attempt to talk to him last night ended up in a bigger argument. But this morning I sat him down and told him I won’t accept this behaviour, that it’s controlling, and that was done was disrespectful. I also told him I would have no issue leaving the relationship to take care of the child myself, if he doesn’t stop this behaviour. He said he didn’t mean for his actions to come across controlling, that he loves me and he was concerned. He said he can see that it would’ve been humiliating. He apologised and said he is going to do better to communicate.
I’ve taken all the comments on board very seriously. As we are having a baby I’ve decided to give him another chance to work on this. He has, in all other ways, been a very supporting and loving partner. We agreed that we will talk to our doctor about any concerns (his smoking, the NA beer etc) and take it from there.
(A previous post referred to by some of you was about an ex-partner)
What Reddit Said
Redditors immediately called out the partner’s controlling and hypocritical behavior. The top comment highlighted the glaring double standard: he’s worried about trace alcohol while actively smoking around his pregnant partner. Moreover, users pointed out that secondhand smoke poses far greater risks to the baby than 0.5% alcohol content.
However, many commenters were more concerned about the broader pattern of control. They noted his public humiliation tactics and threats of violence as major red flags. In fact, several urged OP to consider whether this behavior would escalate after the baby arrives.
The Verdict
The overwhelming consensus: this partner’s controlling pregnant woman drinking behavior is unacceptable and hypocritical. Reddit identified this as classic controlling relationship behavior that often worsens over time. Therefore, while OP decided to give him another chance, most users remained skeptical about lasting change in such relationship drama situations.
Original post from r/relationship_advice (1,078 upvotes, 535 comments)