I’ve had a lot of people reach out asking how things are going, so I wanted to post an update.

First, I want to clear something up because I got a lot of advice that I didn’t actually follow. I did not trap my girlfriend in a car, threaten to leave, or try to force her to talk or make a decision. After we got the screening results, I backed off and gave her space for a few days.

The following Monday, I told her I understood why she didn’t want to talk, but that we couldn’t just avoid it forever. I said that being stuck in total indecision wasn’t fair to either of us. That’s when she finally opened up.

She told me she’d basically been trying to mentally ignore everything because it felt too overwhelming. She admitted she felt really guilty even thinking about abortion if the baby had Down syndrome and that it made her feel like a terrible person. At the same time, she was scared to keep going without knowing for sure, especially because getting more testing could push things later into the pregnancy.

After a long, really hard conversation, she decided she wanted diagnostic testing. Because of the timing, her doctor referred her for an urgent amniocentesis, but it still didn’t happen until about a week later.

We’re still waiting on the full results, which will probably take y least another week, but we got some of the initial results back yesterday, and the amniocentesis is positive for Down syndrome.

Before the test, she talked like she’d probably get an abortion if it was confirmed. Now that it actually is, she’s saying she can’t do it. She says it feels wrong to her and that she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she ended the pregnancy because of this.

I’m honestly not handling this well. We’re 20 (will both be 21 before the baby’s due), in college, and broke. We were already struggling to even picture having a healthy baby. Now we’re looking at raising a kid with a lifelong disability and possibly serious medical problems, including a possible heart issue that already showed up on an ultrasound.

I don’t feel ready for this at all. I don’t see how we could realistically handle this financially or emotionally. All I see is a really depressing life of nothing but struggling from here on out. I feel bad for thinking that way but it’s just the truth.

I know she’s scared too. She’s not pretending this will be easy or that everything will magically work out. But she feels like she morally can’t have an abortion, and I feel like I morally can’t pretend this is something we’re actually capable of handling.

I don’t want to pressure her or make things worse for her. But I also don’t know how to just keep my mouth shut when it feels like this decision is going to permanently change both of our lives in ways we’re not prepared for.

How do I continue this relationship and communicate respectfully when we fundamentally disagree about whether to continue this pregnancy?