The Original Post
I [30M] broke up with my girlfriend [28F] of about 2 years because we couldn’t agree on a prenup. I wanted to understand if there’s something obviously unfair about what I suggested that I’m missing and how I should handle this in future relationships.
The Context:
– She makes around $55,000 USD annually and has about $35,000 USD debt.
– I make around $300,000 USD a year and have no debt.
After a few months of dating, due to the gap in income, there was an unspoken understanding that I would pay for most activities we did together. I always offered to pay for date nights, dinners, movies, and anything we did together. It was never a big deal; we enjoyed each other’s company and we were both fine with it. Sometimes, she would insist on paying and I would let her.
Primarily, these are what I suggested for the prenup:
1. Each of us stays responsible for our own premarital debt.
2. Anything we owned/had BEFORE the marriage stays separate.
3. After marriage, I’d continue to cover all the essential expenses: rent/mortgage, groceries, utilities, childcare, etc.
4. She can put her entire paycheck into her own savings, and that money would stay hers even if we got a divorce.
She didn’t want to sign it and said it was unfair. She was fine with 3 and 4, but the first two points were unacceptable to her. I told her that I may help her with her debt but I don’t want to be legally responsible for it. She got very emotional and asked if I wanted the prenup because I’m planning to leave her once I get a Green Card (I’m here legally but not a citizen, she is a citizen). Honestly, I found that pretty offensive because I have worked hard and lived way below my means to be financially independent, and it means more to me than permanent residency. I’m incredibly grateful to the US for the opportunities it has provided me, but now that I have achieved my financial goals, I don’t mind leaving the US. Later, she apologized for saying that. But I think it’s something I’d have to keep hearing if I continued the relationship. So we ended things.
What Reddit Said
Most Redditors supported OP’s prenup terms as completely reasonable. Many pointed out that keeping premarital assets separate is standard divorce law anyway. However, several users questioned whether either party consulted lawyers about the agreement’s actual enforceability.
The consensus was clear: OP dodged a bullet. Moreover, commenters noted red flags in her Green Card accusation and debt expectations. In fact, many praised OP for standing firm on financial boundaries despite the emotional manipulation.
The Verdict
Reddit overwhelmingly sided with OP on this prenup disagreement that broke up his relationship. The terms were fair and protective for both parties. This appears to be a case of relationship incompatibility over fundamental financial values rather than unreasonable demands.
Original post from r/relationship_advice (1,435 upvotes, 797 comments)