Wife Refuses to Check Pockets When Doing Husband’s Laundry

Hi Reddit, please settle this for me,

I do all the laundry for the household.

One thing I will not do, is categorically check pockets before putting stuff in the wash. Ofc if I feel something in a pocket while I’m putting stuff on the washer, I’ll take it out! But I don’t stop, go through the pile, check pockets, and THEN put stuff in the wash.

Honestly, I forget (dxed ADHD), and also, I refuse. Take your stuff out of your pockets. Someone’s already doing your whole ass laundry for you, including folding and putting away, you can do that one thing to make the task go smoothly, right?

We have had this argument before, where he says that I should check pockets and do laundry in alk these specific ways, and I say, “I’m fine with how I do my clothes, if you’d like your laundry done a specific way, you do it, and if you want your pockets checked, you check them.”

Anyway, our septic has been broken for a month so there’s been no laundry except taking essentials to the laundromat since around Christmas. Quite a lot of clothes built up. Today I finally got to do laundry! I told him I’d just be starting from the top of the Laundry Mountain to make space, and once there was some room he could help by going through and making sure his pockets were checked, because I wasn’t going to. I also said he could help by doing some of the folding and putting away since I was doing the washing and drying.

He didn’t do any of that. So when I was folding and putting away the last load, I had to un tape a bunch of clothes because there was a roll of tape in one of his pockets! And he said I should have checked, and I said “no, you check.” And he said “okay, if you’re too lazy to check before putting stuff in the washer,” and I said, “or if you want your laundry done for you, you could check before putting stuff in the hamper?”

And then he brought up some other criticisms about how I do laundry, so I said “I know how we can solve this. We can get a separate hamper for your clothes, and I can do my laundry my way, and you can do your laundry your way,” which honestly seems like a good solution that I’ve proposed before and didn’t work because he never actually did his laundry. Anyway he said “yeah that’s fine as long as you know it’s because you’re too lazy to check pockets,”

Fwiw we are both in our 30s, both work although I am currently the main breadwinner he’s been the main breadwinner in the past. We are supposed to be working on sharing the domestic responsibilities equally, at least that’s really important to me and he’s trying to work on it.

Anyway, AITA for refusing to check pockets and is it fair to just get a second hamper and stop doing his laundry?