The first 4 paragraphs are context. Skip to 5th paragraph for the freaky sign stuff.

I am 25F dating 25M since we were both 17. We are family in every sense of the word. His niblings even call me auntie. All the parents think marriage and kids are right around the corner for us.

Life-wise, I’m pretty lost. I started bartending to help pay for college, got my Associate’s, decided to take time off, never went back. I’m qualified for nothing. I’m still bartending and sleeping till noon most days. I put so much pressure on myself to find a real career so that I can settle down and have kids (I’m in a smaller southern town so I’m already “behind”).

About 8 months ago, I approached BF with the idea of moving (out of state) so that I could attend a certain school and pursue my career dreams. I’ve always said I don’t want to stay here forever, and he’s always acted understanding. But I learned quickly that he has no real plans to leave, ever.

This agonized me for *monthsss*. I looked at apartments behind his back and fantasized about the move and what life could look like. Ultimately I decided that choosing the school would be selfish. It would break his heart, shock our families, and mean that I wasted over 8 years of this man’s life. Not to mention that I would be completely alone (for the first time ever). I surrended to the small town life.

Tonight I was visited by an old friend at work. He joined the military 2 years ago and I’ve only seen him once since, so it was a shock. He started asking me about school and career and I shared that I had wanted to move but decided to stay (I was vague). He then told me how much his life has changed since joining the military. Seeing new places, meeting new people, getting out of his comfort zone. He told me you don’t realize how small your world is until you leave. He then looked me dead in the eye and said “you need to get out of here”.

The conversation left me shaken, BUT THEN- I drive home one of my coworkers who is neurodivergent. Our conversations are always interesting but especially because he is *incredible* at reading people and will tell me about his reads. Tonight we talked about random stuff (not this situation). We get to his house, he gets out of the car, then he leans down and says “hey, a word of advice, trust your instincts”. Then he shut the door and walked away.

I wish I could properly convey my shock. I stared out my front windshield with an open mouth for a while, and then I cried the whole way home. It was like a wave of realization that my life was about to change.

I feel sick to my stomach about what I have to do. I feel heartbroken already. My God, what a mess I am about to create. I just don’t see how I could ever ignore what happened tonight.