Stepparent Does All Work for Partner’s 5 Kids – AITA Drama

My partner has 5 kids from a previous relationship. We do a one week on / one week off schedule.

Recently, it feels like we’ve had the kids almost every weekend due to various adjustments. A few weeks ago, his ex messaged saying she’ll be going overseas for two weeks. The second week overlaps into her scheduled week by about 5 days.

In the past, he would usually just agree to these changes without discussing them with me. This time, he asked for my input, which I genuinely appreciated because it does affect our household and daily life.

I suggested that we keep the kids for the two weeks she’s away, and then she keeps them for two weeks when she gets back so things stay balanced. After that, we’d return to the normal schedule.

She reacted by saying he was being difficult. She wants to keep them one extra night of our week before she leaves and says she can’t do two weeks straight when she returns because she already booked a weekend away, which happens to fall on our weekend anyway.

Now it’s turned into a bigger conflict, and I’m being portrayed as the one causing drama or not wanting the kids around.

For context: 5 kids is a lot. Two are teenage boys. The grocery bill doubles. The cleaning increases. We bring in extra help. All of them have extracurriculars, and although I work from home, my afternoons during kid weeks are consumed with school runs and activities.

I do all the cooking, grocery shopping, school lunches, homework supervision, attend extra activities, and most of the cleaning. I also manage the gardener and cleaner to make sure the house runs smoothly. I’m the one ensuring the home remains stable and organised during those weeks.

I don’t resent the kids. What frustrates me is the pattern of schedule changes that seem to default to us absorbing the extra time without discussion or reciprocity. When adjustments are needed, I don’t mind helping, but I feel like it should go both ways.

I also feel that if we don’t set clear, consistent boundaries now, this will continue long-term. I don’t want conflict, I want fairness and predictability.

So AITA for suggesting we keep things balanced instead of just automatically agreeing?