The Original Post
I’m 19M and I have long, curly hair. I’ve been growing it out for a few years and I take care of it. I use conditioner, and I have leave ins and curl creams for when I need a little more styling as well. The brand I use has a little silhouette of a woman on it and is technically “for” women.
Last week my girlfriend had a really stressful week, so I cooked her dinner. My parents wouldn’t be coming home till late so I set up candles wrote her a card and tried to make it nice with flowers and stuff
As I was setting up my uncle (52) comes into the room. For context, he is bald and divorced, and currently living with us.
He looked around at the candles and said, “This looks like something a girl would set up.” I didn’t really respond, but he followed it with, “You do a lot of girly stuff for a guy.” He then said “With all that girly hair stuff too, your really selling it”
I told him to back off, and he laughed and said, “Relax, don’t be so sensitive.” While I was setting up, he kept making small comments like, “Careful, don’t break a nail,” and, would just randomly talk about the fact I was cooking for her and how girly that was, and I kept telling him he was “real funny” and making it clear I was annoyed. It started really getting on my nerves and said “why the fuck would I take relationship advice from you your divorced, and you can’t talk about my hair when your literally fucking bald”
He got all up in my face got pissed immediately and said that I crossed a line bringing up his divorce and that I was being disrespectful, and we both got in each others faces and he was saying some stuff about not disrespecting him and he eventually left the kitchen. Later my mom talked to me and said she gets why I was upset, but thinks I should apologize because he’s already embarrassed about his situation and I didn’t need to make it personal, and that she didn’t want us to have issues and I’m starting to think maybe I crossed a line and went too deep.
What Reddit Said
Reddit overwhelmingly sided with the nephew in this masculinity showdown. The top comment introduced the concept of “reactive abuse” – when someone provokes you repeatedly until you snap, then plays victim. Users pointed out the uncle was clearly the instigator who couldn’t handle getting a taste of his own medicine.
Moreover, many Redditors noted the uncle’s obvious jealousy. Here’s a divorced man living in someone else’s house, picking on a young guy with a girlfriend and his whole life ahead of him. However, some users felt the mom should be addressing the uncle’s disrespectful behavior instead of asking her son to apologize.
The Verdict
The overwhelming consensus: Not the Asshole (NTA). This classic case shows how an uncle mocks long hair masculinity until he gets called out for his own insecurities. Reddit recognized this as textbook reactive abuse where the real aggressor plays victim after pushing someone too far. The nephew simply defended himself against relentless family conflict and toxic masculinity.
Original post from r/AmItheAsshole (3,469 upvotes, 478 comments)